What I love most

Anytime when we are alone... just me and u. Gazing at eachother, being lost in the moment.

Late at night when we are both sleepy, but neither wants to be the first to close their eyes.

When neither of us want to fight so we just apologize and say i love you a billion times.

When you only have 5 minutes in between work but you msg me anyway just to say I love you.

Your laugh, it is infectious, even if im mad, when you laugh i lose all bearing and find myself laughing along with you

When im sick and weak and you tell me how beautiful I am.

to be continued....

Holla if ya need me.

I tried to imagine what you could be feeling. I tried to put myself in your shoes.  But i could never possibly know what you were feeling, or how it felt to be told something like that.  I was given the news...and then u went silent.  I panicked, i freaked out, partly because i was scared, but mostly because i was scared for you. I went into super must help must make it all better mode. But i shouldnt have. I wouldnt have helped. How could i? I thought that by talking to u, and distracting you and trying to get u to open up to me it would make things better. I was convinced that we would both cry and be sad and then turn it into a showering of i love you's and you make it worth whiles and have one of those sad but sweet, moments. I prepared myself to be drowned in sadness, ur sadness, i wanted to take it all away from you by having u spew it out, so i could carry it.I wanted to help you, like you help me, but again, i couldnt possibly do anything. I should have known.  You cut urself off so i left you alone, i figured u needed time like u said to focus on other things. It didnt bother me one bit. But when u came back id imagined ud be ready, that ud be close to being ready to talk. But u werent. Id never encountered this before. Such definite unwanting. Usually id pry and pry until the person finally got tired of fighting and broke down and told me. But i couldnt bring myself to do that. So i asked you wat u wanted me to do. I asked you how i could best help you.  And you said something i again wasnt prepared for. You said i couldnt. I felt like no number of i love u baby's or im here you can talk to me's were enough, or what you even wanted. I felt helpless, because the one thing i vowed to always do,( keep u happy) i couldnt. There was no way, it was out of my hands. i asked you wat u wanted me to do and u said u didnt want me to do anything, what could i do. and i said say i love you talk to u be here for you, everything i usually do. And you said rite, u usually do nothing different. so saying it now wont have any different effect. i cant explain how that made me feel. Like all those times i had said i love you to make you feel better, had been for nothing, because apparently it wouldnt help now because that woudlnt have a different effect. you said you were gettin nothing but prayers and tears from family and friends, like u expected to get anything different. What are we supposed to do, tell u we arent afraid, tell u oh dude have fun.  When i find out that the love of my life is being sent to one of the most dangerous places in the world how am i supposed to react, how am i supposed to feel. better yet tell me how u want me to act.  Ill do it. As long as u dont cut me off. Ill be as fake as u want me to be and ill pretend like i didnt cry for hours, ill pretend like i didnt pray 20 times, ill pretend like i wont miss u, if it makes u feel better.  But dont act cold towards me, just because i love u soo much that i wanted to and wished to be able to be some sort of safe haven from your problems... because wen im sad all i need is u, i get it, u dont want that right now....im backing off...im stepping back....holla if you need me.

Earnest

Adjective

[ur . nist]

origin: german, old english

fervent, intent, purposeful, determined, industrious, ambitious, resolute, serious, sincere  having a purpose and being steadily and soberly eager in pursuing it:  adds a quality of determination: resolute in defending the right.  it may include the qualities of both earnestness and resolution: serious and thoughtful. genuineness, trustworthiness the love of my life the one and only the beginning of my future

Breakup

Hang up your vices its time to go home
put on your hat and leave me alone
button your coat and put on your shoes
take all your things but leave all the booze
dont look back there is no romance
no frantic last look or loving last glance
just walk right on out and please close the door
and do leave the key, its not urs anymore
take all your stuff it covers the stairs
your cheap musk cologne your belongings and wares
 leave my abode and dont you come back
the locks will be changed so hit the road jack
dont try and explain i do not wanna hear
dont touch my face or tuck hair behind my ear
you aint welcome no more so wont u go home
please baby begone
please leave me alone

The one...

No matter how hard i try to distract myself,
 no matter how hard i try not to think about you,
i find reminders of your loving embrace everywhere,
 when i curl up in the sheets at night
 i imagine they are your arms wrapped tightly around me keeping me safe and warm,
 in the summertime when i watch the sunset late in the evening,
 the warm wind gives me goose bumps feeling just like your breath on my neck, when i turn off the tv after trying to blot out pictures of you,
 Your beautiful face is all i can see,
  when i close my eyes and fall asleep
 i pray to god that when i wake up youll be there smiling back at me,
 when the music stops playing and the world grows empty and silent
 ill still be alive striving to survive with memories of you flowing through my head like a river of undieing devotion keeping a steady beat in my heart and a hopeful spirit in my mind