If you love someone let them go,

A song has been stuck in my head all day

I figured id post the lyrics so that maybe i could get it out of my head, and find some clarity.

Its I will always love you by Whitney Huston haha its kinda fitting for what im going through right now.

If I should stay,

  I would only be in your way.

  So I'll go,

 but I know

  I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.
And I will always love you.

  I will always love you.

  You, my darling you. Hmm.

Bittersweet memories

  that is all I'm taking with me.

  So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.

  We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind  

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of

And I wish to you, joy and happiness.  

But above all this, I wish you love.

Its impossible for me not to think about this, so im gunna try and stay as busy as someone on bedrest can get, to distract myself from the thoughts racing through my mind.  Dropping every feeling isnt something I ever prepared to have to do, but i am strong, and will do whats necessary to survive.  Im checking myself in to the hospital there is a problem i promised id resolve and im trying to keep that promise.  God never fails and I know i will be ok.  Take your time, think things through, and do what you need to do.  I will be here when you do, because my love is true.

The stars shine brightly tonight.

Its amazing how mortal we can feel if we just simply stare at the moon.

Overworked

My babe, bless his heart. He works so hard at what he does.  It seems he never gets a break, and I know im no help.  I gotta focus on dealing with my worries and insecurities on my own, cuz he doesnt need that stress.  I know he must tire of having to reassure me.  I get tired of having to be reassured.  But he loves me inspite of our adversities. And i can't find it in me to push him away.  Something im so used to doing.  I have alot of love to give, and I'm giving it all to him.  He wants all of me, the good the bad and the ugly, and ill give it.  In the words of the immortal Marilyn Monroe- "If you can't handle me at my worse, then you don't deserve me at my best" and he's pretty much seen my worst.  Anger sadness depression....ive bared it all and he just keeps on loving me.  My heart swells with adoration and affection.  I can't wait till the day I can open my eyes and see him smiling back at me.  The moments I share with him are so special.  It was so natural, so easy, not forced at all.  Just pure simple love.  I just can't get over the way he catered to me and took care of me when i was sick.  That is love, That is deep.  That is my husband to be.  This man, this man, this man, he sends me to the moon. He is my shining star, my guiding light, my one and only.  And I am his.  I am confident that this man would never forsake me.  I am damn sure he would never try to hurt me.  This man has a heart too big for his chest....ooo his chest...don't get me started....and his back....sigh i get weak at the thought. He carries so many troubles, struggles and burdens on his back, I wonder if he'll ever trust me enough to let me carry some of them for him.  I wonder if he already does.  He is so strong, every kind of strength, this....man....exudes.  A man...this man...my man.  Ladies be jealous, because ive caught me a keeper. A rare kind of guy that happens to be absolutley wonderfull, who stands on his own two feet and accomplishes the nearly impossible , all while putting up with sooo much shit from everybody around him. Im guilty of it myself, but im learning the err of my ways, because i do not wanna lose him. I dont wanna lose the one person that i'd be lost without.  I wish looking at pics of me or hearing my voice could destress you, but i know, pictures and skype calls are nothing compared to kisses and being embraced, we are doing something that most relationships can't handle.  Long distance is one of those dangerous relationship plagues that drives people apart. but the distance is molding us into a stronger couple, because if we can handle the usual relationship troubles when we are apart, imagine how easy and carefree it'll be when we are together.....sigh....i love you....i love you i cant say it enough baby i deep soul type love you.  The day i take your name will be the best, day of my life, rivaling only, the moment we embraced in okinawa. its getting late, and im sure you are busy :) but i love you baby Mwah take care

Dear son, I love your father

You are too young to understand this right now, and you probably will never even read this, but its been on my mind.  I have so much hope for your future.  I have never met you, but ive fallen in love with the idea of you.  Im a sucker for babies already, but the fact that you are a part of him, the fact that he loves you makes you that much more special.  And believe me he loves you soooo much.  I know its hard not having him there, but believe me he wants nothing more than to be with you, and he will be soon.  You are a blessing in every form of the word. I am not your mom, but trust me when i say, ill do everything in my power so that u feel that type of love and devotion from me.  You have a mother who loves you with everything she's got. I don't wish to replace her at all, i only want to add on to the love and be there for you if you ever need me.  I Love your Father soo much. I think you will understand because you are a part of him.  I feel like he is a part of me. I hope to be a part of your life and be someone you feel like you can trust.  I want to marry your father. and i want you to be the ring bearer, in your little tux. I hope to be able to give you little brothers and sisters, for you to protect and play with. Things are a little rocky at the moment but i have faith. Your Dad and I arent perfect but we are trying.  Thats all you can do fat man, is try try and never give up. You gotta keep pushing until you get to where you want to be. So KayLeb, i know that you have a bright future ahead of you. Always strive to be better and never settle for anything less then you deserve. I love your father....and because of that, i love you.

_ Love Victoria

impossible Decision

Keep my mouth shut and worry nonstop be confused and have unanswered questions.

or

Ask questions, risk you thinking something bad about me, or taking it the wrong way, getting mad, yelling at me, us arguing, telling me I always trip and you leave.



it shouldnt be like that, where im afraid that if i try to talk to you ill get a bad response. but i love u too much to speak up some time.

but there is always a light after the storm......

at the same time sometimes i feel like im bugging too because i know u do so much for me, u do more than enough, but some of the things you do and say make me uncomfortable.  REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE!. should i sacrifice my comfort for avoiding an argument...

fool of me

Feelin like im not enough, because I never am
in these rough sees ill always be because in rolling water ive always swam
I want to trust but life makes it hard to be
cuz all ive got are I, myself am, me
why others always enter my space, it seems to break
to injure an already wounded animal
yes an animal
I dont understand....
you see im broken
so just treat me right and be a man...My man
I didnt think there was fine print to relationships
i lay down my rules in plain sight
but toes and finger tips are always crossing the line
if wat i ask is too much, give me a sign
and then i kindly show u too the door
cuz i promised i wouldnt take shit anymore
it tears my heart to think to leave
but if you are unhappy then i wish ud say
you say u love me, i know u love me, you say it a billion times a day
but actions speak louder then words,
gathering women in herds
leading them to your pasture
but all the while wanting me to stay
it doesnt work like that
you Can have your cake and eat it too
 im covered in frosting just for you
but i guess you dont like my cooking
I trust, Because i have the choice to.
Pick and choose who gets the honor
most who get it, have lost it before they even knew they had it
and most who have it, loose it because they just dont get it
they dont get that they can't chose when they want to uphold my honor
love is a full time job, if ur a part time worker, then this isnt the place for you.
do u need validation from other women
is that part of your insecurity
the more you swoon the better you feel about yourself?
or was this really just your brain shutting off for a while
you forgetting everything we have. everything we've made
you made a fool of me
baby look me in the eye
and tell me why
I miss you like the ending day misses the sunrise
I love you like a sacrificial lamb that walks up and lays down to be slaughtered
i'd give you everything....i gave you my everything....
was it enough, i almost feel like ill never know
trust is a hard thing to earn, but its even harder to get back after its been lost
the difference here is i want to trust
i want it feverishly, i must
i must keep you in my life
im laying here bare breasted, open chested
my heart is beating for you, its singing through my skin
i love u show me..