when im loud and out in the open people tell me to be quiet
but when im quiet people ask me whats wrong with me.
Im going to disappear for a while, i deactivated my facebook because i know myself and i know that i dont have the will power to not tell people how i feel about them, i wonder if they will miss me. i didnt deactivate it to be childish i did it as a means of self preservation....a way to hopefully quiet or atleast calm the storm that is raging inside my head and my heart. I know there isnt a way to stop it and make the sunny skies shine again, so im just gunna enjoy the rain....
im leaving town....not sure how long im going to be gone, my cousin Jalise and my mom and my sister stajah know where i am going. Stajah is the only one who knows how i am feeling nd shes the only person i would ever trust in relaying my feelings.
I have PTSD......it sucks......i relive my last hospital experience atleast twice a day......I wrote down in my journal a reminder to smile atleast once, some days are better then others. Ive dealt with this all the best i could alone, and i dont intend on talking about it much to anyone....
suicide is a selfish thing....yesterday someone told me i need to be selfish...i dont think thats what they meant...even if i were to happen to cause my own death...it wouldnt be by choice..it would be a sudden moment of really sad feelings that i couldnt control i wouldnt wanna do it, but then again ptsd makes u do alot of things that have negative effects, like the isolation and the loss of interest...i combat those sometimes by forcing myself to do things as a distraction, but that only lasts so long...
I have a puppy, i named him biscuit.
im getting an apartment.
i refuse to let guys touch me
i am tired...so im going to bed.... leaving STL tomorrow.
Eden's Rain
ReplyDeleteShe needs someone to hold her hand, pull her out of sinking sand, to roam free across unpaved land, feel the green tilled earth beneath bare feet, climb the tallest mountain covered in sleet, dive into the darkest depths of the deepest sea, see eye to eye on topics of life, reach out until fingertips touch dreams in the sky, and only let her down, to feel the natural skin of ground, surround her by the light and sound, of a perfected love heart-felt but round, limitless like an infinite loop, but never restrained like a chicken coop, Freedom needs someone to hold her hand, take her to the promise land, drenched in milk and honey, but blood stained Earth never washes away, when it's always sunny
P.S.
You seem to keep forgetting that there's other people out there that care about you as well. Just thought I'd send you a small reminder. Although I can only imagine what all you've been through in the last few years, hell the last few months, I hope things get better for you real soon. Much love, I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts.
WOW!!! i have no idea who you are, but all i can think of to say is thank you, thank you soo much. wow. i am so appreciative of this comment. and the poem is beautiful thank you mysterious stranger, you really helped.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome, as always and thanks for the compliment. I think I'll remain anonymous. :)
ReplyDelete